TEACH OUR CHILDREN WELL

December 1957 School Christmas Program My Kindergarten Class

Over the past four days my heart has been heavy.  The farm is quiet enough that it gives me plenty of time for self reflection and meditation, especially when there are tragedies around us.  The grief and pain of all the victims, their families and friends is so powerful; it can be felt by all of us all over the world.  The love and loss is sending such strong energy waves it is almost impossible for it not to affect you in some way.  I am typically very opinionated and quick to share my thoughts but this weekend, it has been hard to put my emotions into words.  I have to admit when I would read postings blaming God for punishing these children for the schools not having prayer etc… I felt moved to address those… but to write about this event as a whole has been difficult for me.  I decided that I needed to go deep, meditate, pray and listen for the words I should use to write about this horrifying event.  As I often do, I open my heart, place my fingers on the keyboard and give my fingers to my Highest Power to lead me. 

There are no laws that can change what happened in the elementary school in Connecticut eleven days before Christmas; mid-December when children’s hearts are full of Elf on the Shelf, Santa Claus and their Christmas list or perhaps about their role in the Christmas program.   No laws are going to prevent villains from having guns or cure mental illness.  No law will protect us from ourselves.  Schools, churches, synagogues or temples cannot prevent bad things from happening to innocent people.  From the beginning of recorded time there have been good and evil / positive or negative events in history.  These events happened to Christians and non Christians, to believers and non believers, to good people and bad people, to young people and old people.  Life is a cycle that we are all in, it is full of lessons and some of these lessons we learn at the expense of innocent people.  Sometimes we learn to appreciate and use our life in a more abundant and virtuous way because of events that happened to innocent, good and loving people.  No Law will change this cycle.  It is our job to learn the lessons.

I am not for or against the NRA; I can count on one hand the number of times I have shot a gun.  I don’t enjoy hunting but love many people who do and eat from the bounty of their shoots.  I do believe that gun owners need to take full responsibility for their equipment and have all guns secured behind locked doors and where no child, mentally challenged person or thief can gain access.  We need to realize that even if we allow our children to learn to shoot a gun, until they are an adult they don’t need to have access to a gun without adult supervision. I only speak of the gun issue because I want to address it and move past guns.  These shootings are about more than what stricter gun laws can prevent. 

Taking a Stroll in my Sacred Rock Garden

I have heard one too many people express in different “blame games” how God caused or allowed this atrocity because our nation and our schools are pushing him out.  I am sorry but that sounds like a hateful and vengeful God.  This is not the God that lives in my heart and has held my hand through the brightest and darkest hours of my life since my earliest memory as a toddler in our rock garden.  I know a loving God, full of love and light.  He has led me through paths that I felt were impassable.  I didn’t always understand the route and couldn’t understand the bleak moments, but the sunrises have been amazing.  I don’t recall that he ever promised to make me a perfect person, or that life would be one big happy fiesta; but with the light and unconditional love that I feel when I take the time to be aware of his constant presence, I know that whatever happens, I will never be alone.  Not even in death will I be alone… God will be in my heart, at my side, holding my hand and shining a bright light for me to see when there is nothing but darkness and I no longer have the energy in my body to carry on. No law, no words, no rule, no person can steal that from me. It mine; I don’t have to ask for him to be with me or to hold my hand, he is always here.

Even if a law can alter the future and prevent evil acts such as we have seen committed by shooters; few of us can do anything today to make that happen.  What can we do today???? Parents wake up and take your job of raising your children seriously.  Stop expecting others to instill values, morals and spirituality into your children and do it yourself.  Why would you entrust other people to teach these life lessons that your children will carry with them their entire life?  You need to teach the lessons that they need for their darkest hours when you can’t be with them or protect them.  Why would you want to leave your children defenseless or alone? This is your job, not their teachers.  What they learn in church and school should compliment what you have already instilled in them.  Keep your mind and heart open so if they learn something different than what you believe that they can fearlessly come to you and have a discussion knowing that you will not reject them.

Make time for conversations to happen with your children. Take the time to talk to your children at every opportunity regardless of the topic or how long or short of a conversation.

 Don’t fill every moment of every day of your children’s lives with activities that take them away from their home. Give them time to be part of the family. Allow them down time to have these conversations and to see how you manage the everyday stresses in your life. If you do manage stress by yelling, screaming, blaming or by violence, then you need to address your actions and if needed get professional help.  Become a better role person and model for your family, friends and work associates. Learning how to manage stress using positive and healthy techniques can add years to your children’s and your own life. Remember actions speak louder than words.  Make your actions be positive and count.

Have family meals.  It doesn’t matter what you serve or where you gather to eat.  It can be at the dining room table or on the floor in the family room the important thing is to do it without outside interference like the television, phones, iPods  games or whatever is the form your family uses to avoid communicating with real people.  This also means you need to put down, turn off or ignore your phone, your messages, your Internet, your newspaper, and your friends.  Not only does it allow you to focus on your family it tells your children that they are more important than a work out or shopping date with your friends or an issue an issue at your work.  I think it is wonderful when we share our day with our young people but it really should be their time to talk about their day.  Giving an example of a similar problem in your day and how you brought it to positive resolution in a friendly conversation will teach them a lot more about problem solving than if you tried to fix their problems or tell them what they should do at every turn in the road.  If Jesus felt he could teach people more with parables than laws, maybe we should take his lead.

Take Charge of your television remote turn off the television and have “no electronics” times so you that will give you and your children the time and space to think, imagine and for conversations. 

Be aware of what your children watch on television.  Stop allowing your children to be exposed to violence that is found on television, in movies or on video games.   We have become so anesthetized to violence that is no longer shocking or bizarre.  Children build their realities by taking from what they see.  Do you want it to be violence and killing?

Teach your children to respect animals, people and themselves.  Teach them that life has value, whether is is a dog's life or that of a mean classmate - all people deserve to be respected for being part of our earth family.  This doesn't mean they have to be friends or even like them, but they have to respect the space that they take up on this earth and leave the judgments to God.  Teach them to respect their toys, their rooms, the gifts they receive, their teachers, our leaders, their family and the waitress that brings them their chicken bites. Teach them that all life is valuable even if we don't understand or see its worth. Now treat your children with the same respect so they will believe it.

If you have a mentally or physically challenged child or adult family member or have challenges, don’t shove it in the closet, seek help.  If you have a friend or family member that is dealing with a mental problem, be their nonjudgmental sounding board and do your best to help them get assistance.  Don’t believe that if you ignore a problem it will go away.  Don’t believe if it isn’t your family it isn’t your problem, it affects all of us.  Help be the movement that changes our society into a group of people that help those in need.  It brings to mind of a much used biblical quote from Matthew 25:40 “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” I believe that also means what you didn’t do for the least of these you also don’t do for me…. The way our mentally ill are cared for is OUR problem.In sharing these words I don’t pretend to have all the answers or to be the perfect parent or role model. I do know that something has changed. I, like most of my generation was raised in a house that had guns, but we knew not to touch them and that they were deadly. There were no mass shootings. I watched television and saw movies but they didn’t have the foul language nor were the stained with blatant violence. People died, we just didn’t have to see it done in such a violent manner. Even the good guys weren’t proud of killing. There wasn’t 24 hour news reporting every detail. TV didn’t have the broad opportunity to turn the killers into a celebrity. We need to think about these things and think about what the generations before us did right. 
I know all of us fall short of being the perfect parent or role model my family was no different, however, my family did more right things for me and my siblings than wrong things. We always knew that we had a safe place to go to have a conversation that would not be judged or restricted. Sunday dinner started right after church. Everyone gathered in the kitchen and dining area until the food was on the table and a lot of talking transpired. As we sat at the table between the passing the potatoes and the gravy… a lot of talking took place. After the meal was finished and the only thing that was left of desert was the smile on our face, e talking continued. I listened to all the adults (and in my house there was no shortage of them) discuss religion, world issues, the Big War, the Cold War, abortion in the 1940’s, the Lindbergh kidnapping, drunk driving, how to make the best pie crust, the morning sermon and how relevant it was to our lives, stories of their mothers, uncles and grandparents; no topic was banned but mean gossip was never suitable for conversation. The great benefit of these conversations was that they allowed us as young people to be part of the discussion. We were allowed to ask questions, make comments and say things that now as an adult I know were immature and ridiculous. Never the less, we were allowed to think and express ourselves in a safe, loving environment. Even when our opinions were opposed it was done with love and respect. We weren't made to feel stupid or bad for our opinions; in fact we walked away knowing that the family respected us for thinking and communicating. Evening meals during the week functioned in much the same. It was motivation to have my homework completed before dinner so I could be part of the after dinner chat. The only thing that was a conversation stopper was the need to work on homework… but I now recognize that when the conversation was a better lesson than the homework, the conversation was allowed to continue and the homework was put on the back burner. Regardless of whether I played an active or passive role in these conversations or simply was an observer I learned more from them than all my education combined. I learned how to treat people, different ways to approach problems, how to turn the other cheek, how to step up and defend my honor, how to help someone in need, how to ask for help and most importantly I learned that I was a child of God, that I would never be alone and that I could pray mowing the grass, standing on my head, playing basket ball or while riding my horse. Although I was in church every time the door was opened I was never taught that I had to go to church or any place to find God. From conversations at our dinner table I knew God was with my three uncles in France during WWI, I knew that God was with my grandmother as she lay on her death bed in our home and I knew and was consoled that God was with my brother while he was extricated from a burning car. I learned that no matter how short I fell from being perfect that God was always with me.

Let’s not waste our precious time trying to get someone else to “FIX” things. Let’s take time to evaluate our lives to see what WE CAN DO right now to make a change. Our children are our most precious commodity; they are all of our responsibilities. It is all of our jobs to protect all children. Give your children the tools they need when they are in their darkest hour or their brightest moment – It’s Our Job and we can do it without a law.

I am grateful to be living on the farm which allows me to have the peace to contemplate, meditate and to share my words.

I Love the Farm

&

I Love You Randy